In my room are two large suitcases, a backpack of essentials, and a camera bag all ready to board on a plane with me to Australia. I leave tonight to study a semester at RMIT in Melbourne. I’ve had the entire month of January to prepare myself for the journey I’m about to embark on. I bought everything that I can possible need- outlet adaptors, a new laptop sleeve, laundry bags, a new concealer to hide my jet-lagged face, everything. I’ve watched every Youtube video there is about Australia and subscribed to r/Australia on Reddit. I also spent as much time as I can with family, friends, and my introverted self (a.k.a. true bliss).
Despite all of this, the biggest preparation that I went through is acknowledging my feelings. The entire month, I’ve felt a mix of emotions. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly how you’re feeling when you’re internally struggling to understand it yourself. I’m excited and grateful, but nervous and scared.
Younger Rien would probably sweep aside all of the negative feelings under the rug, and pretend that she’s totally cool about everything. The more wiser and mature Present Rien (or at least she thinks so), knows that if she doesn’t deal with all of these big feelings now, it’s going to catch up with her someday.
The future is uncertain and it’s okay to be afraid. It is not okay, however, to let fear stop you from growing as a person and seeing the world. As Emily Dickinson wrote (and also my 2019 mantra)- if your nerve deny you, go above your nerve.